By itself, this is an amusing episode. As the penultimate episode in a series, however, it doesn’t actually help Golden Kamuy build up to any sort of grand finale. Does anything that happens here really matter in the grand scheme of things? Shrug. We just get a lot of dick talk. Yep, dicks.

— So right off the bat, we know that the hotel proprietress is up to no good. Not only that, the proprietress is more like a proprietor. Well, who knows? Maybe Ienaga is transgendered. Either way, I think this reveal comes too early. They could have left this as a nice, little twist. Instead, we know immediately not to trust Ienaga.

— Ushiyama is the first to arrive at the hotel, and he immediately starts lusting after the proprietress. He has no clue whatsoever that Ienaga used to be one of his fellow prison mates. As a result, he immediately starts to make a move on the woman.

— Dude, how can you tell? She’s wearing such a thick dress.

— SEX. I WANT SEX.

— C’mon, man, you can’t just go around destroying people’s property.

— Such a smooth talker, this guy.

— Afterwards, Sugimoto and crew also arrive at the hotel. Neither our hero nor Kiroranke seem to care too much about Ienaga’s looks.

Shiraishi, however, is smitten. I guess if you used to be a prisoner, you’ll take whatever you can get.

— Kiroranke lets us know that he prefers them THICC. As for Sugimoto, who knows? Maybe he traded in his libido for immortality. Not once in this entire series has he shown any sort of attraction — sexual or otherwise — to any man or woman.

— As for Ienaga, she wants Ushiyama’s body bad. Not necessarily for sex, but for… well, eating. Apparently, she subscribes to the weird-ass idea that if you eat, say, a person’s eyes, then your eyes will improve. If you eat their penis, maybe your penis will improve. You get the idea. The show attributes this belief to the Chinese, but… eh… I mean, when I was young, my mom tried to get me to eat pig’s brains. She thought that it would make me smarter. Well, it didn’t. Jokes on you, Mom. Point is, maybe the belief is kinda Chinese? Shrug. My mom never made me eat a human body part, but the ideas here are similar enough, I guess.

— Anyways, Ienaga wants more than just Ushiyama’s body. She also wants Asirpa’s blue eyes. And maybe the kid’s skin as well.

— In his foolish attempt to get laid, Shiraishi is the first to get caught and drugged up by the former doctor. But he’ll be alright. After all, he’s the Escape King or whatever.

— While that is happening, Ushiyama bumps into Sugimoto and they have a bit of a stand-off. They’re not enemies just yet, though. These two men are just sizing each other up while Asirpa and her friend are bored off to the side. Ho-hum, another dick-measuring contest.

— After that is done, the big oaf invites everyone out to dinner. Asirpa makes one of her trademark silly faces at curry, but as usual, every anime character loves the dish.

— She also ends up imbibing alcohol, so she starts trying to yank off Ushiyama’s forehead thing…

— Then this conversation happens:

…right. They’re all drunk, so let’s just leave it at that.

— So back to Shiraishi, he’s already about to break himself free from his restraints.

Ushiyama somehow stumbles into the torture dungeon, but he mistakes the escape artist for the proprietress.

— Apparently, this is what Ienaga used to look like. Again, that’s one hell of a make-up job. Either that or her weird beliefs are actually true, i.e. she’s eaten enough people to make herself look young and beautiful. Well, from the neck up, at least.

— Speaking of the proprietress, she’s now marveling over Asirpa’s eyes.

Luckily, Sugimoto is a light sleeper. This is when things start to go awry for Ienaga. Not only does she have to contend with the slippery Shiraishi and a protective Sugimoto…

…Ushiyama also wants to fuck her senseless. See, kids? That’s why you don’t pretend to be H.H. Holmes and run your own murder hotel!

— Shiraishi’s facial expressions crack me up too. He seems offended, however, that he was ever attracted to Ienaga in the first place. As a result, he’s dead set on blowing the proprietress up with his bag of grenades. Yep, the guy is apparently toting around a bag full of grenades. I think he picked them up when they first got to Sapporo, but I’m not entirely sure on that.

— Anyways, this post is getting longer than I’d like it to be, and it’s not like there’s any subtext to draw out from this episode. Let’s just wrap it up.

Thanks to Shiraishi being a huge klutz, the whole hotel goes up in flames.

And our gang can barely hold themselves up. Then a still-drunk Asirpa starts yelling out for, well, Dick-sensei:

But in the end, they have to get a move on, because we have to go see Asirpa’s alleged father in prison. Yep, next week’s episode will be the last. For this adaptation anyways. Maybe we’ll get a sequel, maybe we won’t.

— In the after credits scene, Ushiyama emerges from the smouldering ruins with Ienaga in his arms. Is the former doctor still alive or not? Well, if Golden Kamuy never gets a sequel, I guess the answer to this question doesn’t really matter.

— Again, the events in this episode are pretty amusing… it just doesn’t add up to anything. I feel like we could’ve skipped this episode and our overall understanding of the story wouldn’t have suffered one bit. Had this episode occurred midway through the season, I wouldn’t have minded. But as the penultimate episode, it kinda sticks out like a sore thumb. Like what am I supposed to do with all this information? Oh well.

— As a side note, I think an entire series based around an evil proprietor or proprietress with a murder hotel would be kinda cool. C’mon, who wants to turn H.H. Holmes’ life into an anime?

— Anyways, I’ll be back tomorrow to wrap this series up.