*notices a recent hill-shaped bulge in the amount of harem anime*

OwO… what’s this? 

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How Not to Summon a Demon Lord Ep. 2

The plot to this week’s plot is exceedingly simple, so let’s get out of the way first. Diablo and his girls need money to survive, so they’ve decided to go and register themselves with the local adventurer’s guild. They’ll also measure your (power) level by having you touch a mirror. Somehow, this magical artifact can tell you exactly how strong you are… unless you’re a demon lord.

Needless to say, Diablo’s (power) level is just outta control. After all the pointless paperwork has been filed, our trio are on their very first quest!

Unfortunately, the quest turned out to be a ruse. There is no mighty serpent to slay. There is only an ambush waiting for our hero and his two slaves.

Y’see, Shera is really the Elven princess. And as such, her kingdom wants to drag her kicking and screaming back home where her “nii-san” can impregnate her and spawn an heir. No, really! Incestuous elves! Needless to say, no one can do anything to Diablo’s girls while he’s there.

He’s so high level that arrows just bounce off of him.

Even the royal family’s special arrow does nothing to the guy’s armor. He’s just that strong, yo!

Then to show them that he means business, Diablo literally freezes a huge chunk of the forest. Yeah, let’s destroy the environment to show off our big penis. Real manly. Real cool.

Last but not least, Diablo threatens the racist asshole that tried to pick a fight with him at the end of last week’s episode. Y’know, there used to be a time when anime heroes started out with nothing and had to work their way to the top of the food chain. Not anymore, my friends! Nowadays, every goddamn isekai features an overpowered hero just laughing at the ants beneath him. How is this remotely enjoyable? Is it because we’re compensating? Is this the same as buying a fancy car because we feel insecure about our dick size or something? ‘Cause I really don’t understand how an endless deluge of invincible heroes can be entertaining to watch.

But enough about that. Onto the stupid harem shit!

First, you have to understand that there’s a lot that one can learn from harems. For example, small breasts and harmony are one and the same.

On the other hand, giant breasts are like swamps. Yeah, swamps.

And as long as you acknowledge that what you’re doing is bad, you don’t have to stop! Go hog wild!

The girl won’t even be mad at you! As long as you accept her as your slave, then you can do whatever you want!

Sometimes, when girls talk, you really have to look deep into their eyes. You gotta respect them. You can’t objectify them.

Nope, their eyes are up here, buddy.

And as always, be respectful to customer service reps. You don’t know how hard they have it. You really don’t. What kind of sick twisted freak would give giant racks to cute doggos? I mean, seriously…

To make matters worse, their boss is a flat-chested rabbit thing. Nature can be so cruel.

Finally, let’s get to the meat and potatoes. Why censor it now and not the first few minutes of the episode? Don’t ask me!

When a girl feels neglected, what you gotta do is fondle her breasts.

That’s it. That’s all it takes. Less than a minute of fondling her breasts will send her into absolute ecstasy.

This is exactly how a woman’s body works. Don’t get it twisted. /wink

And if the catgirl comes back with a murderous intent, that’s okay too. That’s how you know she cares about you! If she didn’t, she wouldn’t get mad!

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The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar Ep. 2

How to tame a hot-blooded haremette

Step 1: Melt her heart

Step 2: Raise an army (cause lulz I’m not gonna get my hands dirty)

Step 3: Quote Sun Tzu to sound smart

Step 3: Sacrifice your people for her in battle

Step 4: Continue to act as if katanas are the best weapons ever because JAPAN RULEZ

Step 5: If the enemy clan leader is a girl, make her your daughter or sister as well. But if it’s a dude, murder him (but still leave the dirty work to someone else)

Step 6: Enjoy the fruits of your labor

Any questions?

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Island Ep. 3

Plot-wise, you’re not missing much. Setsuna, Karen and Sara spend a good chunk of the episode trying to lure Rinne out of the house. They accomplish this by making her jealous:

None of these events actually happen. Rinne just thought they did.

Well, what do you know? It turns out the sun doesn’t kill her after all.

Afterwards, Rinne has a panic attack when her friends try to access a wooden shed hidden behind some rocks. That’s why the screenshot above is so blurry. When she was younger, this was where she often went to meet Setsuna. Is the Setsuna now the same Setsuna as the one from back then? Who knows!

But don’t you worry about Rinne’s health, ’cause she’s just fine. Fine enough to sing butt-naked in an open-air bath. In fact, we’re all out of plot for this week’s episode, so roll that beautiful montage footage!

Aw yeah, I love montages!

(An eternity later…)

Karen has a fight with her dad, then Sara tells Setsuna that the twin-tailed girl doesn’t really wanna leave the island. She’s just rebelling like a typical teenager. And like any typical teenager, she wants to stick it to her dad by having a random vagrant who just recently appeared out of nowhere stick it in her!

“19 Guaranteed Ways to Piss Your Dad Off!” — Buzzfeed (probably)

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Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Ep. 1

Good lord, make the harems stop. Sigh… one more show to go. So what is this nonsense about?

“She swayed palely and then disappeared. It was like a hazy steam.”

Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs stars Kogarashi, a bully masquerading as an exorcist.

He thinks he’s hot stuff just because he can pick on ghosts. But he’s about to meet his match when he goes to stay at the infamous Yuragi Inn, a boarding house where the rent is cheaper than the meals:

This is because the place is haunted.

And as such, Kogarashi thinks he can just march right into the belly of the beast and kick out the poor, ol’ ghost without a proper eviction notice! But not so fast, my friends!

‘Cause you can’t punch a girl! But…

…she can totally get physical with you.

*angry harem lead noises*

Oh well, better just molest her instead:

Let’s quickly introduce the rest of the cast…

…and wrap this post up.

First up is our resident loli. But that’s not all. Chitose is also the innkeeper.

Then, we have Nonko, a lush who also happens to be an author.

After that, Ameno Sagiri is… she’s a ninja, apparently. Wait… Ameno Sagiri?

This Ameno Sagiri? Naw…

Last but not least, you always gotta have a catgirl. Always. So say hello to Yaya. There are probably going to be more girls to come in future episodes, but that’s all we’ve got for now! As for the plot, well… whenever the ghost is a hot girl, she will never remember how and why she died. As such, Kogarashi promises that he’ll make her happy. What a swell guy… minus all the “accidental” molestation.

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Phew, that took a while. And now…

Your moments of zen

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