Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet Ep. 7: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Man, everyone’s getting Thanos’d these days. Freakin’ millennials! 

— We pick up where we last left off, so Romio and Juliet are about to have their “epic” final showdown. He had promised her earlier that he wouldn’t go easy if they ever had to face each other, but I mean, he already did go easy on her. The Black Doggies’ victory was already assured, but Romio insisted on giving his girlfriend another chance.

— The couple starts trading blows as if they’re in a martial arts movie or something. And just like that, the very same crowd that had mocked Juliet is now cheering for her. Kinda pathetic, isn’t it? These people are fickle as hell.

— Unfortunately, the match ends on an anti-climactic note when Romio accidentally gets a handful of Juliet’s chest. As a result, he does that cliche anime nose-bleeding thing and ends up disqualifying himself and his team. Fun.

— Juliet ends up getting MVP of the entire tournament somehow. I guess what she ended up missing didn’t cost her too badly. Or maybe just winning this final match by default makes her the MVP? Whatever.

— As for Romio, the guy once again takes all of the blame for the loss. Well, I guess groping a girl in front of everyone is pretty bad.

— At the dance party, Scott goes looking for Juliet, but she’s nowhere to be found (psst, she’s with her boyfriend). Char quickly drags him away for some, uh, fun.

— Romio doesn’t get to dance. He gets to eat punishment instead. Remind me again why this is such a great school? But I guess it all works out, because Juliet comes to see him. Plus, if they had danced in the big hall, everyone would’ve found out about their secret relationship! Oh no! So y’see, Romio getting punished was the desired result after all!

— We later see a bunch of prefects try to discuss the events of the sports festival, but this is pretty much impossible since there’s so much hate between both sides. Must be exhausting.

— Don’t do this with your fingers, kids.

— In the aftermath, Romio not only loses his leadership position (why did he even have it in the first place?), but he also gets stuck in the storage room. He had tried to regain their favor, but this ended up making him sick from stress.

Sadly, Hasuki is still hung up on the guy. Get a clue, girl. He literally grabbed another woman’s breasts in front of you. Oh yeah, she now gets to have Romio’s former position… whatever that means.

— Anyways, Juliet eventually pays Romio a visit as Julio. What we get next is just a bunch of silly hijinks as the girl tries desperately to nurse the guy back to health.

— For instance, she wants to tidy up his room, but she ends up coming across a porno mag. Man, people still have porno mags? Only in anime, it seems. Fear not, intrepid Romio fans. Anime protagonists are never lewd! As a result, the porno mag is not actually his! Instead, it belongs to a self-proclaimed oppai fan. Aren’t most of us oppai fans though? Even girls are oppai fans.

— Juliet then decides to grab something for Romio to eat, but ends up only grabbing an apple. A goddamn apple. The guy is sick, so get him some soup. Get him something that soothes the soul. Not an apple!

— But it’s fine, because Chizuru ends up eating the apple anyways. And since he’s still confused about his sexuality, he demands to know whether or not Julio is really a boy. Does it matter anymore? You like what you like, which is apparently a shota. Freaking pedophile.

— Juliet tries to run away from Chizuru in order to protect her identity, but she somehow stumbles into the girl’s bathhouse. Kyaaa… hentai… ecchi… blah blah blah. As you can tell, I’m very pumped up by this invigorating episode full of great anime storytelling.

— A wet Juliet has no choice but to change her outfit in Romio’s room. So when the Oppai Fan returns for his porno mag, the girl has to hide under the covers. It’s like the author shoved his hand into a bag of anime cliches, grabbed whatever he could, and just jammed it down this episode’s throat. Y’know, like feeding pills to a cat.

— In the end, Romio has a dream about the one previous time he had a fever while Juliet sings a lullaby badly to him. And just like that, the guy is back to good health again.

— When he asks why she had gone to all this trouble to sneak into the Black Doggies’ dorm, she struggles to admit her feelings. Imagine dating someone for this long and still being too embarrassed to say that you just wanted to see them. Lame.

— Right before the credits roll, two sisters — they’re also prefects — talk about how interesting Romio is. Do you guys mind sending me a memo of your findings, ’cause I’m having a hard time understanding the protagonist’s appeal.

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