Anyways, what an odd warning for this series. Lemme guess… those upper class bullies are going to attack Tiese and Ronie, huh? Sigh. Let’s get this over with. 

— So it’s raining hard and thundering outside, but our boys are just polishing their swords. Nothing weird here!

— Well, there is something weird: Tiese and Ronie haven’t returned yet, and the boys are worried. After all, in last week’s episode, Kirito and Eugeo just picked a fight with Raios and Humbert, the two upper class jerks. Our heroes worry that something might have happened to the two girls.

— After Kirito leaves to look for the girls, Frenica shows up. If you don’t remember who she is, she’s Humbert’s page. Her friends are just trying to protect her. Unfortunately, they’ve gone to talk to Humbert in person. Kinda stupid if you ask me. I mean, they had just asked for Kirito and Eugeo’s help in last week’s episode. Why not go back to the boys with this latest bit of information? Why go and plead with Humbert yourself when you already know how the hierarchies work in this stupid universe?

— So Eugeo rushes over to the bad guys’ room, and they’re just waiting for him. Raios even licks his lips like a generic creepy anime villain. Seriously, have you ever seen any bad guy lick their lips like this outside of anime?

— Raios and Humbert then lead Eugeo to their bedroom, and the blond kid finds both Tiese and Ronie all tied up. Okay, okay, bear with me for a second. This is apparently how it works. Because the two girls were merely disrespectful, Raios and Humbert apparently have the authority to punish the girls. Because they’re nobles. And whatever punishment they come up with goes! So what’s the punishment?

RAPE.

I’m not even joking. I know Underworld isn’t the real world. I know Underworld is designed in a specific way to help the government breed super soldiers or whatever. But what kind of asinine setup is this? Disrespecting nobles? Bad. Preventing a rape? Bad. Raping two girls as punishment? GO HOG WILD BOYS!

— Oh yeah, did I mention that Eugeo can’t prevent Raios and Humbert from raping the two pages? I mean, he can, but it’s technically illegal. Hilariously illegal. The poor girls are begging for him to save them, but some sort of programming is literally preventing him from doing so. The same thing that stopped him from saving Alice (not that he really could) all those years ago is back to haunt him.

— Again, the idea here is that you generally want your soldiers to be unquestioningly servile, but in extreme circumstances, they should be able to violate the so-called laws imposed upon them and do the right thing. It’s just that this is executed in such a dumb way. A guy literally has to hurt himself in order to prevent two rapes from occurring. There are way better examples than this.

— Well, after a great struggle and losing an eye in the process, Eugeo finally manages to defy his own programming in order to slice off one of Humbert’s arms. The girls also get quite a warm shower. The guy is pleading for Raios’s help, but the first-seat noble doesn’t care. He’d rather punish Eugeo instead.

— There’s that stupid tongue thing again.

— And for some reason, this is as far as Eugeo can go. He’s literally going to just sit here and let Raios execute him. We all know that Kirito is going to step in and save the dude, but suppose he didn’t. Eugeo would’ve died, then Raios probably would’ve gone back to “disciplining” the two pages. Way to half-ass your heroism, dude.

— But of course, Kirito steps in and saves his waifu.

— The two combatants then needlessly power up when they could just have a duel. Less is more. You don’t need a big flashy light show to convey the gravity of this situation.

— In the middle of the fight, Raios suddenly becomes monstrous… really monstrous. Not all souls are born equal, I guess.

— But you can’t stop the Kirito, so boom goes Raios’s two forearms.

— As the guy slowly bleeds out, the entire room gets to watch as his entire body kinda goes… haywire. It’s as if his digital soul is disintegrating right before their eyes. Judging by the characters’ reactions, I get the feeling that dying in the Underworld isn’t supposed to be like this. But eh, whatever.

— Anyways, the one-armed, rapey Humbert now accuses Kirito of being a monster before running off. Hilarious. I mean, Kirito’s an asshole, but he’s not a monster.

— Meanwhile, the boys try to comfort the two girls. All of a sudden, that mysterious head shows up to pinpoint the boys’ location, so they’ve definitely broken the law. Again, raping pages = A-OK! Killing nobles in order to protect people, however, is a no-no!

— But look on the bright side! What’s Kirito and Eugeo’s original mission? To save Alice, right? And what’s a better way to save Alice than to get yourself caught just like Alice!

— In the morning, Kirito and Eugeo wake up in their rather comfortable dungeon.

— When the blond guy steps outside, some woman — I forget her name — heals up his injured eye. Pretty lame. I think he should have lost it for the rest of the series. It would’ve served as a reminder that he’s capable of doing the right thing even if it’s against the law. It would also symbolize how the path to justice is never easy. Sometimes, you have to pay the price to do the right thing. Also, he’d get to wear a cool eyepatch. Yarrrr. But screw that. We wouldn’t want our manwaifu to be ugly, now would we?

— Anyways, an escort, i.e. an Integrity Knight, is here to take the two bad boys away. But what’s this? Might we be looking at Alice?!

— It is Alice! She’s a cool knight now! Like Agrias from Final Fantasy Tactics.

— Well, not so fast. The Integrity Knight promptly introduces herself as Alice Synthesis Thirty… whatever that means.