Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai Ep. 4: Nothing but inches

Well, you know the drill by now: a bunch of short stories every week. They’re sorta connected this time, but not in any super meaningful away. Without any further ado…


Short Story #1

Miyuki loves the way Kaguya looks with cat ears.

Oddly enough, Kaguya loves the way Miyuki looks with cat ears. So they both desperately want a picture of the other person wearing cat ears, but they also can’t act natural. As a result, Chika is worried that her two friends might start fighting. She ends up snatching the cat ears away and we make no progress. So where’s our inch? Like Oliver Twist, we look up with starving eyes and beg, “Please sir, I want some more…” The anime looks down on us with disdain and slaps this paltry gruel into our bowl:

Sigh.

By the way, is Chika’s claim even remotely true? I honestly don’t know.


Short Story #2

Two volunteers need to shop for the upcoming party, but there are three of them! Miyuki acts as though it would be such a bother, but obviously, who wouldn’t want to spend an entire day with their crush? As a result, the three of them play a game. The winner won’t have to go shopping, but in this case, the losers actually want to lose. Chika suggests that they play the banned word game, which is not something I’ve ever heard of up until now. Nevertheless, it’s pretty straightforward, and interestingly enough, the normally air-headed secretary appears to be super ruthless when she plays this game. Chika actually uses one of her insecurities to instantly eliminate Kaguya. She just knew that her friend would try to comfort her and thus use the word “love.” Miyuki then changes plans and wants to win, but it’s in his nature to sound like a generic anime character. As a result, he goes down just as fast as Kaguya. No wonder Chika suggested this game, huh? Again, she’s ruthless at it… ruthless and silly. I swear like this entire show is just full of “gifable” moments of Chika. Come for the romance that never goes anywhere, leave with a wheelbarrow full of potential Chika memes and dances. Anyways… we don’t even get an inch here. But this does naturally segue into…


Short Story #3

Since Kaguya and Miyuki are the lucky losers, they get to go shopping. The girl wants to confirm their plans, but as expected, she doesn’t want to send the first text. Ai, her maid, understands her too well. For some odd reason, the animation takes a dip in this short story. It’s nothing glaringly bad, but… I dunno, it’s pretty glaring. Anyways, Ai suggests that if Kaguya is this unwilling to send a text, she should counterattack with a direct phone call instead. Our heroine eventually reaches a completely naked Miyuki after a small hurdle, and Ai takes the opportunity to troll her friend/boss (always a dangerous relationship). Boy, it would’ve been funny if he could Facetime her, but unfortunately, the poor rich girl only has a flip phone.

So the plans get confirmed, and Miyuki says, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” That usually signals the end of a phone call, so I can’t blame Kaguya for hanging up on the guy. I do find it odd, however, that she didn’t say bye or whatever. You usually do that, don’t you? Either way, the guy was about to say something else, but since she hung up on him, she gets to scream into her pillow in frustration instead. Luckily, Miyuki texts her what he was going to say anyways. Why not just call her back? Shrug. But if you look on the bright side, Kaguya gets the first text that she wanted so badly, and they confirmed their plans for tomorrow. Win-win, right? We get to watch these two lovebirds hang out all day right? Hah, please. This show only gives out inches.

As a result, it is absolutely pouring the next day. Kaguya still wants to brave the storm anyways, but Ai tells the girl that there’s no way that Miyuki could possibly still be waiting for her in front of Hachiko. Well, about that…

You call that a win?! A cancellation text is a win?! But that’s how it is. Beg for scraps and get absolutely nothing. We thought that the anime would throw us a bone and let us see these two spend time alone together, but nope! Jokes on us! Look, I think the characters aren’t bad. They’re pretty amusing when they’re not shooting themselves in the foot constantly. But this sort of thing bugs me particularly about these “romantic comedies.” When fate conspires to maintain the status quo, it’s cute once or twice. But when it keeps happening for four straight episodes, it just gets old.


Short Story #4

The day of the party has finally arrived, and it’s some sort of joint soiree with a French academy. You know what that means: horribly butchered French pronunciations! I’m not trying to bag on these poor characters either, ’cause every non-French person sounds stupid when they try to speak the language. I But I digress. So what’s the story here? Well, Miyuki tries to impress Kaguya by busting out a few simple French phrases that he picked up from the other school’s handbook. At first, she feigns complete ignorance, but it becomes readily apparent that the rich girl is actually fluent in the language. Japan loves all things French, after all. Her little ruse, however, causes our student council president to worry that everyone will now look down on him, because he can’t participate in any of the conversations around him. Hell, even Chika is fluent in the language. I had no clue that knowing French was a requirement, but again, Japan loves all things French…

That’s when the weird-ass headmaster suddenly sics the opposing vice president on the kid (don’t try this at home, kids). Why? Apparently, the old man wants to make sure that Miyuki deserves to lead this school. Shrug, whatever that even means. The French girl proceeds to hurl insults at Miyuki, but there’s just one problem: they’re all in French. As a result, Miyuki is completely impervious to her jabs. As they say, ignorance is bliss. Instead of realizing, however, that all the guy is doing is saying “Oui” over and over like a jackass, both the French girl and the headmaster mistakenly assume that our hero is just that mentally strong. Y’know who isn’t invulnerable, though?

Kaguya. She then unleashes a tirade of her own at the French girl. I’m sure it’s probably gibberish, but let’s assume that she just tore her victim a second asshole. Mmhmm, it’s so vicious that it shatters a nearby glass. Basically, we get to see that our heroine can turn into an overprotective mama bear if anyone goes after her loved ones. In the ensuing aftermath, she worries that Miyuki will lose respect for her because she was so foul-mouthed. Well, he doesn’t understand a damn thing she said anyways (neither do we). Instead, he just thanks her for coming to his defense. Yep, there’s your inch. It’s also the last inch for the week, because the episode is now over.


After four weeks, I see no signs of brilliance, but that doesn’t mean that I dislike the show. I actually enjoy it a bit. As I’ve been saying over and over, the show is fine. It’s amusing enough as pure and complete fluff that practically never goes anywhere. Just inches and only if you’re lucky.

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One Reply to “Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai Ep. 4: Nothing but inches”

  1. Kaguya is a very well done sitcom and it honestly doesn’t focus much on romance. It’s a lot like American sitcoms to me with development at the end of a season or middle. The fun is when the show establish inside jokes and adds more chars to mix up the formula.

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