Me when I realize summer is nearly over, but I still haven’t sorted my nonsense out.
Goodbye, Lara Ep. 10
Ugh, this episode is the exact sort of thing I hate. First, the witch crashes the party, but it’s too late for her. She first starts melting, then supposedly dies. But before she breathes her last breath, she reaches and calls out to Roman, the king. Welp, there’s something going on there, but we’ll have to wait to understand exactly what! Why? Because Roman has now awoken! In fact, he’s going to let Lara in on some very important info. It turns out their kingdom was already starting to fade even before Lara left for the surface the first time. Why? Because humans murdered his wife! What the fuck man? Don’t you think this would have been useful information back in… oh, I dunno, episode one?!
“LARA, STAY AWAY FROM THE HUMANS?”
“But why, father?”
“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME? TO JAIL WITH YOU!”
It’s fucking ridiculous. But it doesn’t stop there.
Rowan also explains that Lara’s light has taken on its temporary form as the deadly, giant blade floating in the sky. He then drops a bombshell: what she really needs to do is to use that light of hers to murder the person she loves. I doubt it’s that simple, though. I highly doubt Lara will murder Mari, the person whom she cares about the most. But that’s beside the point. My problem is that this didn’t need to be a secret! There was no reason to keep Lara in the dark until the tenth goddamn episode! I mean, how exactly were they planning on saving their people when they won’t even tell the girl how to use her powers? Like I said, I hate this style of storytelling. I wish this had just been a simple slice-of-life story. All this plot nonsense sucks ass.
Anyway, Mari and Luca are determined to find Lara. Some snake thing — likely the witch’s latest incarnation — suddenly snatches the girl. Cool. Great. Guess I’ll look forward to that. We still need to learn the witch’s true aims, which, by the way, also don’t need to be a secret.
Iron Wok Jan Ep. 10
Wow, we still don’t get to see Kiriko cook. We get to see her pour carrot juice into her dough then roll it out. The anime then immediately cuts to the judging. That is so weak. Oh well, let’s get on with it.
Celene Yang thus presents her vision of nouvelle chinois. The anime even upped its game to make the filling look good. The problem is, it doesn’t look like a complete dish. It looks like a small appetizer you might order before you dig into something much more substantial. Also, she keeps highlighting her Korean influences. I just know they’re going to ding her on that, because this is a Chinese cooking competition.
Next up is Jan, who does what he always does: traditional Chinese cooking polished to the nth degree. Not only do his hand-cut noodles come with three different sauces, he also adds a special black vinegar. This secret ingredient makes one of the judges feel so nostalgic for China that he starts crying. Sure.
Last but not least, we have Kiriko and her carrot-infused noodles. She was actually inspired by picky children. She wanted to make something that even babes could eat. As a result, her noodles seemingly come prerolled and pre-stuffed. They also come with a supposedly amazing dipping sauce, but the real killer move was presenting everything in a fancy ice sculpture of a bird. First, when the hell did she have time to prepare that? Second, what the hell does it have to do with cooking? Yes, presentation is important, but I think an ice sculpture is a step too far. And if I have to nitpick something, the fact that the noodles are already rolled up and easy to eat doesn’t sit right with me. The whole fun of eating noodles — at least, the Eastern kind — is grabbing them with your chopsticks and slurping them down.
For some reason, the audience gets to weigh in. A hundred of them get to actually taste the food and submit their scores. Once everything gets tabulated, Kiriko finishes just one mere point ahead of her competitors. But wait, we still need the actual judges’ opinions! And that’s when things take a weird turn. Kiriko is way ahead of the field, because the judges praise both her creativity and vision. Celene gets some love for her forward-thinking, but the judges think it’s too out there. And oh yeah, they dinged her for using gochujang, a Korean ingredient. Finally, Jan’s score didn’t change at all. After the audience got a taste, he was sitting at 33. Even after the real judges weigh in, he’s still at 33. I absolutely dislike the guy, but what gives? That’s when one of the judges finally delivers their rationale: he didn’t do anything new. Wait, was that one of the criteria? I mean, hasn’t Jan been doing the same thing since the start of the competition? Or is this rule only applicable to the finals? Maybe they did say something about wanting innovation, but I certainly don’t remember it. All I can recall is that the contestants needed to make noodles and dessert. This feels like a complete asspull instead of letting Kiriko have a clean-cut win. Instead, Jan only loses on a technicality. But meh, whatever.
Since Jan has been happy to be a heel this whole time, the audience quickly capitalizes on his loss to utterly humiliate him. That ugly judge also chimes in and tries to dress him down in front of everyone. You gotta remember, however, that this is a cooking competition for young chefs. In other words, these are kids. They’re not babies, but they’re still minors. Again, I don’t like Jan, but every single adult who lashed out at Jan should be ashamed of themselves.
Jan’s grandfather is no longer around to abuse him, so he’ll just do it himself. He keeps slamming his head against the wall until there’s blood everywhere. Nevertheless, his own blood seems to trigger an inspiration in him, so he returns to the competition with the same drive as before. He still thinks cooking is nothing but a competition. Okay, well, Kiriko is roughly 90 points ahead of Jan. She would have to completely flop the final round to even lose, right? Plus, we’re talking about dessert. I love my sweets just as much as anybody else, but you can’t put it on the same level as a main course. The noodle round should have more weight.
Man, they’re going to somehow tie it up, huh? I just know it. It would be the classic cop-out, especially if Jan doesn’t learn a damn thing from this contest. It’d be an entire season of anime without an ounce of character development.
The Insipid Prince’s Furtive Grab for the Throne Ep. 10
Arnold, Leonard and Finne continue their three-pronged attack, but maybe I should replace Leonard with Elna. After all, Leonard is pretending to be Arnold, so he has to appear incompetent. Elna does all of the talking instead. What is there even to yap about? Well, Rhondine and Albatro are at war, and the former would love monetary support from the empire to utterly destroy the latter. Seems kinda messed up. Albatro, however, wants to call for a temporary alliance, because they have bigger fish to fry: namely, the sea dragon that has recently awakened. Still, you just know Arnold will have to don his costume and fight the beast at some point. In either anime, manga, or JRPGs, it’s always the same: if there’s a monster to kill, it will be killed.
Oh yeah, Arnold boldly rescuing the Albatro royals means that the princess is now in love with Leonard. Well, he doesn’t currently have a love interest, right? Still, Arnold calls her evil, and I’m not exactly sure why. She’s barely been onscreen, after all. All she did was force the brothers to take an inconvenient sea route.
Back home, Finne secures the demihumans’ support by boldly offering herself up to their leader. Somehow, the vampire lady doesn’t take advantage of this. She simply says, “I don’t have anything as valuable as you. You win, bothersome little girl.” Huh? That’s not how you negotiate! She basically just gave up and pledged her support. Sure, she gets to use Finne’s “influence” in return, but she didn’t even try to bargain for more. How the hell is this lady the head of a merchant faction? The scenes with the brothers and Elna were unremarkable, but the show completely lost me here.
LIAR GAME Ep. 23
Unfortunately, nothing emotionally interesting happens in this week’s episode. They simply start playing 17 Poker, some variant on the classic card game. Nao goes first and bumbles her way to a deficit. Akiyama goes next and starts making up lost ground. His opponent, however, thinks he has a keen advantage: he’s a boxer with amazing vision! Pfft, sure. But that’s it. I don’t feel like there’s anything here for me to dissect.
Young Ladies Don’t Play Fighting Games Ep. 10
Mio beats the jackass, so I got what I wanted. Anything after this is just gravy. Why do I dislike Canfore so much? I mean, dude started things off by ranting about Mio being a fake gamer girl. To hype himself up, he even hit himself hard enough to draw blood. And what did he get for all that nonsense? Nothing but a pathetic loss to a girl participating in her first tourney ever. Pathetic. Best part is how he’s a sore loser, too.
Still, Mio got her victory while being one hit away from death. I think maybe she would’ve also died to chip damage? My point is, it kinda felt like the anime was channeling that Daigo moment. Maybe this is just a coincidence.
Anyway, Aya seems to fall super hard for Mio after this. I guess being good at fighting games really does get you all the cute girls. But there’s no time for a coming out party, because Mio has to face the brat next. Man, she really gets all the worst opponents. Can she really win twice? I always thought the girls going far in this tournament was a long shot, because A) it’s their first time in a competition and B) we’ve mostly seen them play against each other and labbing. But beating Arisa doesn’t mean Mio will have won it all or anything, so fine, let’s put the kid in her place as well. She needs to get humbled, and no, I don’t care about her backstory. I can see it. Beat Arisa in the next episode, then lose out in the finale and go home.
Red River Ep. 10
When Mattiwaza, the Prince of Darkness, hears that Yuri is among the captured women, he has all of them brought before him. I had to laugh, however, when his men failed to find her. C’mon, she’s the only Japanese person there! Obviously, they have no clue what it means to be Japanese — speaking of which, Japan was in the Yayoi era at this time? — but they can still see with their eyes, can’t they? You cannot convince me for a second that Yuri and the throng of Hittite women look remotely similar in skin tone, eye shape, build — well, everything! The Prince of Darkness is sadly also no better, because he can’t identify her through sight either. Instead, he has to sniff her out.
Anyway, Yuri ends up facing a trial by lion. Whoa, just like our villainess from that other show we’re watching. So crown prince Gyoumei and the Prince of Darkness are the same! See, I told you Gyoumei couldn’t be trusted!
The heroine of the show can’t die like this, so Yuri obviously manages to slay the lion. She could’ve asked for her freedom, but she instead begs Mattiwaza to treat both the captured Hittites and the Mitannis better. As a result, she wins them over as Ishtar. The Prince of Darkness realizes, however, that he can capitalize on this by adding Ishtar to his harem. I had to laugh again when Yuri was soon in despair. Oh, she’s not sad because she thinks he will assault her. He supposedly isn’t even interested in her like that (for now, anyway). Rather, she’s devastated that he’ll spread lies about her accepting his love. No, don’t let Kail think he has been NTR’d! That would be, like, the worst! Yuri’s spirits are lifted, however, when a messenger sneaks her a “letter” from Kail: nothing but a simple heart. Bahaha, this is so cornball, it feels like it was written by a middle schooler.
The Villager of Level 999 Ep. 11
Koji tries to reveal the truth of the world to the king, but it’s pointless. After all, the latter has also been tasked with cultivating powerful individuals and moving them to the next stage. But… why? What is the point of all of this? This show likes to yap, but it still refuses to reveal this crucial fact that ties the whole story together. Yup, doesn’t matter that we’re on the eleventh episode of the season. Still gotta play our cards close to the chest. Instead, we get some poorly animated battles.
The biggest problem isn’t even the animation, though. Rather, it’s the fact that these shows always adhere to the same narrative cadence: the hero confronts the baddie, the baddie beats the hero up, someone or something revives the hero, and now the hero has broken through his limits. That “someone or something” just happens to be Alice. In fact, she had to put her body on the line to heal Koji. Unfortunately, this sequence of events is so rote, I can’t be assed to care.
The anime then drops an asspull on us: the king’s right-hand man is none other than Parna’s former lover’s father. Not only that, he killed a demon and framed his son in order to prevent both sides from co-existing. Great, the anime is already trying to redeem Parna. The now revived Koji even leaves the injured Alice in the vengeful mage’s care, but the demon girl only got hurt because Parna insisted on killing her! She tried to kill a child! You can’t just whitewash that with a tragic past! You can’t slaughter an entire race (including children!) just because one bad thing happened to yo–… oh wait, that’s happening right now, isn’t it? Anyway, even though I hated it, I always knew that Parna was too cute and hot to be a villain forever. Yeah, tits that big can’t be evil.
Clevatess S2 Ep. 9
C’mon, girl, don’t sell yourself short. You’re also the eye candy for some strange reason. This show has never needed fanservice, but it suddenly feels the need to indulge us in this week’s episode. The last time we saw Alicia, she threw herself into a crevice in the dark dimension in order to find Drel’s secret room. Somehow, falling, dying, and reviving via Klen’s dark ichor leaves her clothes now in tatters. I don’t remember if this is a thing from the first season. I really don’t. All I know is that our heroine is now running around in her panties. At least that’s durable. But even granting that we need this level of fanservice, at least do it right. Our girl is supposed to be a hero. She’s a badass warrior with probably hundreds if not thousands of hours of physical training. So where are her muscles? She’s way too thin for a supposed fighter. Where are her abs? Her biceps and triceps? Or tough legs that can send her enemies flying? No, she doesn’t have to be roided out, but at least give me some subtle musculature to ogle. Her breasts are as big as her head, but I can’t even get hot abs to drool over? Whatever.
Anyway, the story does the same ol’ “we’ll hint at what’s happening, but we won’t just come out and say it” schtick as always. Vordin mocks Klen for lacking a heart that can care about a friend. Well, that’s not true. He cares about Luna. He literally foiled Drel, one of Vordin’s minions, just to save the kid. Vordin was even there as one of those salamanders, so the fuck is he talking about! Also, Klen somewhat cares about Alicia. Still, the point is that Vordin is obsessed with the hero of yore, and Klen doesn’t understand why. It would be very nice to know why. So Klen turns and says to Zavthier, “There’s more you haven’t told me about him, isn’t there?” Time to reveal everything? Aaaaaaand… she doesn’t. All she says is that Vordin changed after he fought the “true hero.” Great. Thanks for that, girl. You’ve been real helpful.
Meanwhile, the evil cult finally has their hands on all five Books of Toah. As a result, Milea transports her minions to a mountain where they can see Vordin in all his glory. Then she transports them to a surreal space where the “true hero” used to commune with god. Now, they can visit the place where the hero’s body is interred and thus revive him. In doing so, the hero’s legend will turn once more! More importantly, they, too, will be able to talk to god and… and… and then what? Sorry, but the princess answer is in another castle episode! Milea conveniently detects Alicia at this moment, so they gotta get rid of her first. Much, much more important than speaking to god.
Alicia finds herself in a bizarre maze that keeps looping back to a torture room. She also hears strange screams in the distance. She eventually discovers the… princess? Oh, right, right, the curse of Alo-whatever means the princess has a dark side. It would normally just drive her to suicide like it did with her mother, but thanks to some mirror, it was able to manifest itself separately from Milea. That evil Milea is the one we’ve been seeing all season long. The cute, innocent one is now in front of us. Uh-huh. Why hasn’t she been killed? Is she still necessary for some sacrifice? I dunno, beats me. Still, this part was almost kinda cool because it felt we had stepped into the horror genre. But then goofy-looking puppet surgeons show up, so our half-naked Alicia proceeds to beat them up without her boobs somehow flopping out. That is one amazing shirt, I gotta say. It’s like that Spiderman 2 meme. Well, a bunch of stuff happens, and eventually, she falls even deeper into the abyss. There, she finds a hulking monster to fight, so I guess that’s where we’ll pick things up next week.
My Stepmother and Stepsisters Aren’t Wicked Ep. 9
For the briefest of moments, this show actually managed to pique my interest: a few parents expressed concern over the school admitting someone like Miya. Wait, why? What’s wrong with Miya? Well, didn’t you hear? She’s a daughter of a mistress! That’s scandalous! Her existence alone could damage our school’s prestigious reputation! Also, one of the girls on the student council seems to have a small bone to pick with Miya. Unfortunately, this subplot doesn’t really go anywhere.
The second half of the episode has Miya getting ready for the sports festival. Pretty boring stuff as usual. The only part I like was when the ball they used for their matches kept changing sizes. Anyway, don’t do jump ropes in the middle of a downpour. Not only can you get sick from that, you could also slip and break your neck. Just a really stupid idea.
Mebius Dust Ep. 9
For this week’s episode, I really tested my limits: I cranked the playback speed up to 5x just to see if I could still understand what was going on in the “story.” Well, the first part of the episode has Araki getting to know his new team. Still, he misses his old friends. Spica wants to know why Kurusu is doing “this” to Araki. Kurusu then lashes out, which somehow causes these creepy growths to appear on his arms. Araki asks Spica later if this is normal for Kurusu, to which she replies that her twin brother’s heart hurts more than hers does. Twin…? Huh? Sigh… just more mysteries even though we’re nine episodes in.
Then it’s just more silly games between Diavolic and the other teams, but Araki has pretty much made them unstoppable. But I can’t stand these pointless games, so I cranked the playback speed up even further to 6x. Oooh, the mother crystal is… is… what? It’s reacting a lot, whatever that means. And that’s it. That’s all the crumbs you’re going to get from this week’s episode. It then ends with Araki looking depressed. Some of his old teammates pity him, but Stella refuses to forgive him. Great episode, bro. I’m glad I watched it at 5-6x speed.
I wanna be that guy in the background. He’s like the only adult in the room, and all he ever does is shove fried chicken down his gullet. Beats watching this show, if you ask me.
Chainsmoker Cat Ep. 9
This episode might have one of the strangest, most surreal bit out of the entire series. But first, we have to deal with the poop jokes. Yep, they’re back with a vengeance:
- One of Imoko’s classmates has a crush on her, but doesn’t know how to break the ice. After talking to Imoko’s friends, she thinks the catgirl loves her big sister because of poop. So she gives Imoko a small poop gift.
- Not to be outdone, Yaniko nearly shits herself in her apartment. No, she has not suddenly grown a dick. That’s literally shit hanging from between her asscheeks.
- We eventually see a dead, old man in an open casket. He’s practically buried in cigarettes. That’s when a procession of catgirls led by Yaniko emerges from a tunnel. They proceed to swarm the casket and take every last cigarette with them. They leave the corpse buried in grass, with dandelions where his eyes should be. What the fuck.
- Kaoruko actually has a funny bit where she waltzes into Yaniko’s apartment uninvited and starts belting the show’s theme song. She ends it with this particularly cringeworthy line. What makes it cringeworthy, however, isn’t the content. Rather, it’s the fact that Imoko is also there.
- Yup, Yaniko’s mom is just as bad as she is. That’s probably why Yaniko can’t live at home. The two of them would just drive Imoko crazy. Hell, the mom fakes a home invasion just to hide the fact that she had been smoking. How did she tie herself up, though?
There were obviously other gags in the episode, but I didn’t find them particularly noteworthy.
Dara-san of Reiwa Ep. 10
We get three unfolding timelines this week… kinda. The present is as irreverent as ever. The kids tell Dara about Christmas, so on Christmas Eve, Dara puts on the sluttiest Santa outfit she can find just to hand out presents. Santa is supposed to be wholesome! WHOLE-SOME!
In the past timeline, the old man finally passes away. This means Nagi, the little girl formerly under his care, has now become Jurota’s new master. Weird. She’s also only 13, by the way. As unsavory as it is to think about, I forget if this makes her old enough to be get married back in those days. Nagi even points out that if they had more time, she or one of the other village girls would’ve provided Jurota with a successor. But instead, they will turn to sorcery. I have no idea what that means, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Jurota’s descendants are still alive and kicking in the present day, so clearly, he must have passed his genes on somehow. Also, the villages-turned-cities in the future seem safe enough, so whatever it is that Nagi is up to, we know it’ll work out. It’s just the devil in the detail…
Finally, we get a short story about how Dara once saved the siblings’ mother from being preyed upon by a creepy yokai (I don’t know if it ever gets named) with a fishing hook. Luckily, Dara took the yokai out without breaking a sweat. According to Dara, the mother spending all her time up in the mountains has only made her more attractive to violent spirits. The woman only did it, however, to clean Dara’s shrine and pay her respects. I see this sort of thing a lot in similar-minded stories. Take Dandadan, for instance. Unless you’re spiritually attuned, all the bad stuff is invisible to you. Sure, ignorance doesn’t guarantee you safety, but the average person would never cross paths with a yokai or aliens unless they go out of their way to visit an abandoned hospital or a derelict tunnel. If you just stick to civilization, you’ll more than likely be fine. It’s an interesting dynamic in which it’s okay to be spiritual — especially considering how Japan is one of the more spiritual cultures in the world — but never go into the deep end of the pool. Stay on the kiddy side, i.e., visit shrines on important occasions and maybe perform a few holiday rituals. Just don’t actually call yourself a Shintoist or whatever. That’d be weird! This is probably a leap, but I wonder if the country’s history of religious violence has forced people to be a little more gunshy about their spirituality. Hm…
I Became a Legend After My 10 Year-Long Last Stand Ep. 10
Our heroes spend a significant chunk of the episode trying to discern a pattern in a series of recent disappearances around the capital. Once again, we have a room full of adults, but it’s up to the kid to save the day… but does she? Eventually, vampire maids attack. Once our heroes subdue them, a dog arrives with a note from the marquis detailing how his entire household had been taken over by vampires. Not only that, the head vampire intends to sacrifice his daughter in a ritual to summon the dark gods. Okay, fine, that means Lock and Eric can launch their rescue mission. But then what was the whole point of everyone sitting around the large table, investigating the disappearances? It felt like they built that whole angle up for nothing.
Anyway, as you might expect, Eric saves the parents, which just leaves Lock to save the pretty girl. Last but not least, the animation quality really took a nosedive.
The Drops of God Ep. 22
Oh, the melodrama. Shizuku wants to quit because he thinks his father rigged this whole competition to help elevate Issei. Meanwhile, Issei refuses to let his rival quit. In fact, he goes on TV and broadcasts the description of the eighth apostle for the entire world to hear (as if the entire world would give a shit about some overpriced grape juice). But really, he just wants Shizuku to hear it, because he knows the latter won’t be able to resist. And why is Issei so hellbent on battling Shizuku and overcoming him? After all, the guy wanted to forfeit. Issei basically had the competition won. That wine collection is his to take. Well, as it turns out, Issei is actually Yutaka’s biological son after all! He and Shizuku are half-brothers! As a result, Issei feels as though he was the unwanted son. This competition is a way for him to surpass Yutaka altogether, and he can’t do that if the next best thing — Yutaka’s chosen son — quits. Oh lord.
I just feel kinda bad about Miyabi. Both dudes have their women to support them. But whereas Loulan and Issei are directly involved, Shizuku is probably utterly clueless about what Miyabi means to him. Last week, we had a brief dalliance with New World wines, but that love affair is over. It’s back to the Old World, baby! So both brothers immediately hop on a jet and fly to France. But as always, Issei has Loulan accompany him (with Maki as a pathetic hanger-on). Shizuku, however, has come alone.
Anyway, as soon as the brothers arrive in France, a bunch of thugs hold them up. Well, they wanted Issei, but they mistake Shizuku for him. Both brothers quickly escape with the help of some woman, who now wants their help to solve her family’s issues. Of course she does. Fine. I mean, we defeated racism last week, so mending a broken family should be easy-peasy.
