So here’s the thing: at the moment, I only have two shows to cover extensively: The Ramparts of Ice and The Apothecary Diaries. I want to add at least one more anime to the roster, and I’m trying to decide between this one or the show about a witch being in love. I haven’t seen the latter yet. Which will it be? Which will tickle my brain? I dunno! To put it another way, I’m here to figure out whether or not I should lump this show in with the rest of Shounen Saturday. In fact, let’s do this like a list of pros and cons.

— Right off the bat, we have a minor pro: disembodied voices are spreading creepy urban legends about payphones. They just have the potential to be mysterious, don’t they? The payphone, that is. Nothing is fun about smartphones. But payphones? Gosh, who could be on the other line? Unfortunately, they’ve all but disappeared from our world. There are actually about 200 left in San Francisco, but I couldn’t tell you where they are. Pro, by the way.

— Oof, the OP is nothing to write home about. Yup, that’s a con. Look, I rarely ever mention the OP and EDs. Why? Because I just don’t care. But even the bestest of shows will turn heads because they’ll have a banger OP. What amazing show doesn’t have a banger OP? Sadly, there isn’t one here. Hey, I didn’t make the rules. That’s a con if there ever was one.

— Our protagonist Ageha is a high school kid who can nevertheless beat up adults. Mmm, that’s a con in my book. Not believable. Yes, I know the premise involves the main character being transported to another dimension in which he has to fight monsters or whatever, but still, a kid beating up adults feels a little goofy!

— As Ageha walks away from the scene of the crime, he starts thinking about how there’s no hope left in the world. Why? He has many reasons, and one of them is climate change. Oooh, that’s woke according to Fox News. That’s a pro.

— But then Ageha opines about the impending energy crisis, because we’ll run out of oil. Nah, bro, nah. We just gotta get on that nuclear energy! I know you guys had that little “run-in” with nuclear energy a while back. Totally our bad! Haha, whoops. Still, minor con.

— Unfortunately, Ageha strikes me as a delinquent. You don’t have to get straight As in school or anything, but I vastly prefer a protagonist who is curious about the world. Ageha might be able to ramble off a list of ills plaguing the world, but all we see is a guy who lounges around all the time. He lounges when he’s with the boys, he lounges when he’s in class, and he even lounges during breaks. When was the last time he cracked open a book? I’d even take reading manga as a substitute. People who don’t read don’t get my respect.

— Ageha comes across a mysterious payphone ringing in the middle of the night. Classic horror trope. Pro.

— But when he answers it, this goofy thing emerges. Eh, not keen on the design. Con.

— The kid ends up finding a phone card in the payphone. Kind of cheap and cartoony. The edgy backwards R isn’t doing it for me. Con.

— Our deuteragonist is supposedly an icequeen, but she wasn’t always this way. In fact, she and Ageha used to be childhood friends. Eh, kind of an overused trope. Minor con.

— The character designs are… a little flat. Just not very detailed or imaginative. Con.

— There are lots of rumors surrounding Psyren. People connect it to a recent spate of disappearances, but people go missing for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, it’s a serial killer. Sometimes, you get trafficked to other countries like North Korea. Still, I like rumors and urban legends. They kinda tickle the brain. Just ask Persona 2. What I like about Ageha’s chat with the occult freak is that it isn’t your standard exposition scene. Because the other guy has a psychotic glint in his eyes, you can’t tell what is true and what isn’t. It could all be bullshit. There could also be half-truths littered throughout his rant. All I’m saying is that this is better than the obligatory infodumping that a lot of shows do. Pro.

— But I’m really not jiving with this design. Con again.

— As soon as Ageha gets home, his sister gives him a mean right hook. Mom is dead, and dad is an absentee parent as usual. It falls on big sis to do the child-rearing, and she’s not happy about her brother getting into brawls. But do you think maybe Ageha is so violent because Fubuki is violent at home? I don’t condone child abuse. Nope, not even exaggerated examples for the sake of comedy. Dad needs to step the fuck up and do his job. Ah, who am I kidding? He’ll just remarry for the sole purpose of making some poor woman care for his children. Con.

— Ageha is stupid enough to believe that an unused Psyren card could go for 5 million yen. Of course, it could still be true, but why would you just accept a weirdo’s rant at face value? Con.

— Our protagonist, however, sacrifices that hypothetical 5 million yen prize in order to help his childhood friend Sakurako. Okay, the white knight claws back a minor pro.

— The robotic voice on the other end of the line starts peppering Ageha with yes or no questions. At first, they’re pretty standard. But as the interview drags on, the voice starts asking weirder and more specific questions — questions that require rather intimate knowledge about Ageha’s personal life. Oooooh, mysterious. It’s even psychoanalyzing him. How does the voice know? How?! Pro.

— Virgin shamin‘, though? In 2026? Eh, con.

— The next morning, shady men have come to investigate the payphone. In fact, they’ve been tracking all of the payphones in the city (not that there are many left). So is this a pro or a con? One of the men starts licking the payphone creepily. I hate it when anime characters stick their tongues out. I know it’s supposed to disgust me, but I don’t care. I still don’t wanna see it. Ugh, con.

— Well, the shady men pose as cops to try and reach Ageha at his school. Sadly, the kid’s teachers are dumb enough to fall for it. When the shady men try to corner the kid — they want the Psyren card — a scuffle ensues. Ageha is about to be trapped in an alleyway when his card finally… activates? But that mysterious being shows up again. Ah, it’s such a lame design. Con.

— Our protagonist is transported to a complete wasteland. Yeah, we need a little more color up in this joint. Plus, does this count as… an isekai? Guilty by association, so con.

— A random man suddenly emerges from nearby ruins, begging for help. But before Ageha can do anything about it, a humanoid centipede monster thing tackles the man to the ground and starts draining his blood. Eh, kinda gnarly, I guess. Pro.

— The monster is about to attack Ageha when Sakurako finally leaps to his rescue. She’s armed with a katana and nothing else. She’s still wearing her flat-looking school uniform. Girl, you need a cool battle suit. Con.

— It’s clear that Sakurako has been forced to fight in this strange new world for quite some time. When Ageha finally answers her question — she wants to know why he would be stupid enough to call Psyren, but why would he know to do otherwise? — she can’t help but embrace him. Poor girl just needs some support. Pro or con? Ehhhh.

Welp, looking over this list, I think there has been more cons than pros. But I haven’t decided anything yet. After all, I still need to compare this to that show about a witch barking up the wrong tree (or maybe not…?). But if I had to judge Psyren on its own, I wouldn’t call this an auspicious start. It’s just okay, and okay usually doesn’t pass muster. In a stronger season full of intriguing shows, I definitely would’ve thrown this in the Shounen Saturday heap.