Wait, why am I still watching Red River when its superior cousin has come along? Ah well… Oh yeah, sorry if this column looks a bit barren at the moment. After all, I’m giving most of the season premieres their own post. But we’ll be back to normal next week. Plus, Red River needs somewhere to go…
Uncle’s Obsession with Cute Things Ep. 1
Mitsutaka Oji likes cute things. Unfortunately, people used to make fun of him as a kid, so he’s developed a complex about it. So much so that he literally lost his wife, because he was keeping secrets from her — secrets that involve simply liking cute things. Ugh. Look, I like bold, confident characters. I like people who can stand up for themselves. But even if someone doesn’t have the answers to all their problems, they should at least be taking concrete steps to rectify their situation. Alright, you lost the wife. Can’t cry over spilled milk. He should’ve gotten help for his complex a long time ago, but the next best time to start asking for help is now. Unfortunately, I don’t see that in Mitsutaka. I just see a 41-year-old man who still hides his stuffed animals from his college-aged nephew. I see a man who lets a colleague lecture him in front of his own team, because he can’t admit that he likes his cute accessories.
Granted, Mitsutaka did defend the people working under him. He just can’t defend himself. Meh.
Red River Ep. 14
Despite having an arrow in her back, Yuri makes it far enough to bump into Ramses, an Egyptian commander. Did the arrow really not puncture one of her lungs? Shrug, I guess she’s just lucky. How has she not bled out? I guess the blood has clotted over the wound, and if you remove it, you would actually put her in greater danger. Either way, she makes it back just in time before war breaks out, as both Ancient Egypt and Ancient Hittite are accusing each other of committing the heinous crime. But y’see, Yuri has proof! Pull the arrow out of her back and you’ll find that the arrowhead is Hittite in origin! And, uh, apparently, the specific way in which the arrowhead is tied to the shaft can pinpoint the exact person who fired the shot. Now, you might be thinking, “This isn’t proof! Any assassin worth his or her salt could’ve stolen a Hittite arrow and thus framed the country!” And you’d be right! But the perpetrator just happens to be right there, standing at the very front so that Yuri can point him out like a suspect in a lineup! Not only that, he gets nervous and makes a dash for it. The assassin’s practically screaming he’s guilty! In the end, however, one of Nakia’s minions kills the assassin before he could be captured and questioned. Still, with all that has gone down, Ramses is greatly impressed. Yep, he’s now in love with Yuri as well. How many men from the ancient Middle East must she seduce before she’s satisfied?!
To be honest, I really debated moving Red River out of Everything Else, but it just doesn’t really fit anywhere. It’s technically not an isekai, the romance isn’t good enough on its own, and Yuri gets kidnapped way too often to be a villainess or saintess. I guess it’ll just stay here, unwanted.
Super Psychic Policeman Chojo Ep. 1
FX Fighter Kurumi-chan Ep. 1
I’m Looking for a Zombie Ep. 1
VERTEX FORCE Ep. 1
TANK CHAIR Ep. 1
Even the Student Council Has Its Holes! Ep. 1
Oh yeah, this anime is here because I’m not convinced it’ll have enough romance.
Everything else about everything else:
I wanted to briefly mention a show that I wouldn’t be covering: Click Me All Over. In the first episode, you get to see a boy hovering just a few feet away from his childhood friend, furious clicking on his mouse. Why? Because he can control a mouse cursor that no one else can see. And with this magical mouse cursor, he can drive his childhood friend to an orgasm. Why wouldn’t he just touch her when he’s right in front of her? Well, y’see, that would be a crime. She wouldn’t give him permission to touch her! She doesn’t give him permission to molest her with a mouse cursor either, but somehow, this virtual separation somehow makes it not illegal? Pfft, yeah, good luck with that in court. As you can probably tell, I will not be covering this show.
I’m also not going to cover Magical Girl Raising Project Restart. I actually thought about it, but nah, I’m not into little girls killing each other. That’s just weird, man. Besides, I never watched the first season.
I guess I could also talk a bit about what I’ve been playing, which is just nonstop Fire Emblem: Fortune’s Weave. The biggest improvement is honestly just the Switch 2 hardware. Not having to run around the zones at a shitty frame rate is so, so nice. Hell, I would revisit Three Houses if it got a Switch 2 upgrade with some extra content. As for the actual game, eh… it’s Fire Emblem, y’know? It can feel like a AAA game for the most part, but then there’ll be these janky moments that makes you wonder what the hell the developers were thinking. Having dungeons to explore for once was a nice idea at the start, but once you realized it’s just a few environments — forest, cave, fort, abandoned tech place — it loses a lot of its appeal. Most of all, Intelligent Systems still can’t write an A+ decent story. I’ve only done two of out the four Part 1 routes, but I can already tell that there are massive holes in the story. I’ll elaborate more as I get through the game. I’m sure I’ll have plenty to say once I finally get to the latter parts of the story.